Nice Horsey

I generally like to try things once. Most things at least. I think it’s pretty reasonable to live with a policy like that. I gave riding a horse a shot once. I was a senior in HS and we went on a weekend trip up to some dude ranch/ski area in the Catskills. One of the many activities was riding a horse through a snow-covered trail in the woods. Sounds wonderful right? I was really excited to do it and a bunch of us girls eagerly gathered around the stables and they started to assign us horses. They were beautiful and strong and serene looking. Except one. Guess who got assigned that one? Yep. So this black horse named Black Death Black Midnight was led over to me and I was told to saddle on up. I kept saying to the horse keeper “I think I’m too big for him” because I was super bundled up and it looked like a pony. I was assured I would be fine and as I mounted this pony horse I was still very much unconvinced. As I was sitting on this sinister pony beautiful creature I was watching all the other girls get on their giant, normal sized horses and they were all gathered around each other waiting to hit the trail. My pony horse decided it was gonna go way out across the pen, become extremely antisocial and eat hay. With me on it. I was waving at the handlers but still trying to be calm. They actually left me over there for a while until it was time to hit the trails. I felt like I was adrift in the ocean all alone on a tiny raft. Finally they wrangled my pony horse to follow the group. He was NOT happy about that and I kept protesting that I was too big and he was unhappy and acting up because of it. “He’s very sweet and nice,” they kept telling me. So the obvious menace spunky pony horse of the group and I set off on our way on the trail. Not even ten minutes into the ride my pony horse started to basically harass the horse in front of me. It was nipping at its rear and other stuff that horses do to harass each other when the mood strikes. All of a sudden is chomped down on the other horses rear and that horse jumped and launched the girl riding it into a snow bank. The look of horror on that poor girls face and all I could do was point down at my pony horse and shrug. I wasn’t going to go against him on this. Anyway that was all it took. I was adamant that I go back. I wanted to be off this pony horse and on flat ground. Horrible images of the pony horse going crazy and taking off into the woods with me on it’s back flooded my mind. I envisioned him rising up like the Headless Horseman horse, kicking up its hooves and bucking me right off onto my head. And then leaving me there to endure the pain of all my broken bones and wood critters. (I was very dramatic in HS) Anyway I decided this little experience was over. Out of nowhere this cowboy came trotting up the trail surrounded by all these personless horses to lead my nemesis pony horse and me back to the stables. So now it was me on a pony horse, the Marlboro man and about 8 other horses all trotting back to flat ground. I was surrounded which made me even more uncomfortable. It was like the dumb city slicker goes to the country. The cowboy just shook his head when I said I was too big for the pony horse. When we finally got back and I hopped off I might have tried to kiss the ground. It’s a little fuzzy. Euphoria will do that. But I at least tried it. Someone told me once that I couldn’t hold a grudge against all horses because of one. Oh yeah?

One picture actually exists of me on the pony horse right before it went loopy. I found it the other day in a drawer and like a jolt (or pony horse bite to the ass) I was back there on that trail. It’s one of those little key chain viewfinder things (or else I would post it for proof!). To this day I stand by that I was too big for Black Death Black Midnight. Had I been on a normal size horse it would have been a nice experience and when things like horseback riding on the beach come up I wouldn’t envision a horse running me into the ocean to the waiting jaws of sharks. I kinda like a horse and carriage ride every now and then but that’s because there is someone between me and the horse if it decides it wants to kick someone. Maybe I will never get over the grudge I felt for that pony horse that day, many years ago but that’s ok. I still enjoy trails. But I’ll walk thank you.