My Cat Is No Joke

I have two really incredibly awesome brother and sister cats. I thought they might be French and gave then appropriate names but I’m not so sure now and it’s too late to change them. My one cat Leo (Full Name: Leopold Tuxedo) is such a big goofball who has big feet, likes to fetch straws, demands food and likes to hang out under the bed covers like its some sort of cat fort. At times like that he just becomes simply known as “The Lump”.



But it’s my girl cat Lucy (Full Name: Lucille La Petite) who is really interesting. She is very sweet, loving, kinda overweight and she likes to lick things.  I caught her licking the back of my t-shirt while I was sitting on the bed putting my shoes on the other day. She doesn’t really discriminate between skin and cloth. Anyway Lucy is no joke. 



She can turn on a dime. When Leo least expects it she will box him in the head as he walks past her. Or she will crouch down and growl at him if he gets too close to where she decided was her place to sleep that day. She also can go from looking like the most adorable feline on the planet to giving you the stink eye. (See photo above)  Don’t get me wrong – Leo and Lucy are best friends. They ying-yang sleep all the time. And she has never laid a paw on me but she has the “I’m a bad ass cat” side to her and it cracks me up. She definitely throws her weight around. All this stuff aside, Lucy does one thing that I find just incredibly strange and I really wish she could talk so she could maybe explain it to me. She has two toys she has had since she was a kitten (she’s 9 now): A red cloth mouse and a red cloth chili pepper. While Leo likes me to be involved in most of his playtime, Lucy is a much more solitary player. If you toss something to her she picks it up in her mouth and walks away. She really likes to play in the kitchen so that she can, I think, be far away from judging, prying eyes. I say this because she will drag either Mouse or Chili or both into the kitchen and then she just hovers over them and howls. Seriously. Loudly. This is especially disturbing in the middle of the night while me and the rest of the house are trying to sleep. She looks at them so intently that I sometimes feel like she is waiting, just waiting, for them to try to get up and run. I mean – the mouse I could see but chili peppers don’t run!  Anyway I have a few theories as to what can possibly be going on in her little furry head. One theory is that they have been bad playthings and she is reprimanding them. She dislikes their method of play, disapproves of their lifestyles, questions their loyalty. Another theory is that she just has an extreme hate for something in life and she uses them to vent her frustrations. Sort of like taking it out on those closest to you. The last theory, and this one is the saddest, is that she thinks they are dead and she is screaming for them to come back to life. I actually caught her in the kitchen yesterday laying side by side with Mouse looking longingly at nothing. I mean – she does this ALL THE TIME. The howling is so loud I’m afraid I will be reported for animal neglect. But it’s all directed right at Mouse and Chili. I’m really not sure what to make of it. Is my cat a sadist? Does she like dominating over her lifeless toys screaming horrible, demeaning things at them in Cat? Or are they the only things that will listen to her complaints? I really hope she doesn’t think they’re dead. Must I call in a Cat Whisperer? Knowing her she would give away nothing and I would have wasted money.

Maybe she is just a weirdo. Maybe she has the most awesome imagination for a cat ever. Maybe she is just plain wicked. Whatever it is I raised her. Ah well. Like mother, like cat.

All photos in this post are copyright of H. Papageorge and my not be used without permission.