A Conversation With My Dad Part II

Back in November as my 30th birthday was approaching I noticed that my dad would often be staring at me anytime I was near him. Maybe he was amazed that his little girl, his first born, was gonna be the big 3-0. Maybe he was checking me for wrinkles. Whatever it was he was patting me on the back and treating me as if on the day of I was gonna have a nervous breakdown.

When the actual day came and I didn’t have a breakdown I don’t think he was relieved. I think he sensed that it might come the day after or the week after. He made it his mission to start pointing out all the people who didn’t make it. Kurt Cobain, Janis Joplin, The Elephant Man. He was just recounting the entire “27 Club”. (Which he did when I turned 27) As he listed more names, Jimi Hendrix, blah blah blah, I think he could sense me getting annoyed that he was mentioning people who didn’t reach this milestone and not only that but they all had such sad tragic ends. (Hello? Elephant man??) As if to make me feel better he turned to me and, with some added enthusiasm, said “Oh! You’re three years younger than Christ!” Wow. Thanks Dad! And then he just smiled as if satisfied to have yet again rattled me into a fit of huffing and eye rolling.

Anyway I like to store away moments like this in my brain to exact revenge when I see fit. And my Dads birthday yesterday was it. My revenge is not mean or insulting but rather it is dripping with sweet sentimentality. And it is really simple. I bought him a mushy card. Not just a “Dad you’re the greatest” card but a “Little girls still love their dads even when they’re all grown up” card. Gets him every time. (For the record – it’s true) But in just moments I render him speechless and then he says things like “Oh no – now I’m gonna get misty” which cracks me up. It makes up for the rest of the year when he makes it his mission to lovingly harass by saying things like “Did you pay for that haircut?” or “That outfit was popular in ‘76”. Yes – my revenge is all in a card. D did get him an awesome card with Elvis’ picture on a black felt background framed with gold that he was super psyched about but I know that my sweet little revenge gets put with the others in a special box to be taken out from time to time when he feels like getting a little misty.